Monday, 18 July 2016
I really did. I can't do this forever. I always suspected I'd lose in the end. I've slowly lost touch with reality. I stare at space and hours pass and I fade more each time. I have been to many doctors, psychologists and psychiatrists. They can't seem to see what I know is with me. My dark passenger. If you have no future, no past, no help, no direction, you just stop. I'm a clock with a dead battery. Frozen and unmoving is how people must see me. How can they not? Maybe I'm being selfish. Other people matter. They have their own problems. Mine are my own and so I stare again. My mum is the only reason I'm still here. She would never recover. I'm not scared of it, I welcome it. I'm scared of doing it though, even though I should. One day I will. Until then I wait. I stare.